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Here is a great Turkey Recipe for those of you who just can’t tell when a  turkey is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

Turkey Recipe

• 8 – 15 lb. turkey
• 1 cup melted butter
• 1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is Good)
• 1 cup un-popped popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER’S LOW FAT IS BEST)
• Salt/pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Brush turkey well with melted butter, salt, and pepper.

Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.

Place in baking pan making sure the neck end is toward the front of the oven, not the back.

After about 4 hours listen for the popping sounds.

When the turkey’s butt blows the oven door open and the bird flies across the room it’s done.

Some A-hole looked at my beer belly in the pub last night
and  sarcastically asked,
“Is that Budweiser or Pabst Blue Ribbon?”
I said,  “There’s a tap underneath, taste it.”

***

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, “If you lost a  few pounds, got a shave,
and got your hair cut, you’d look pretty  good.”
I said, “If I did that, I’d be over there talking to your friends.”

***

I went to the pub last night, had a shot of Ezra Brooks
and saw a fat  chick dancing on a table.
I said to her, “Nice legs.”
The girl giggled  and said with a smile, “Do you really think so.”
I said “Definitely, most  tables would have collapsed by now. ”

***

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a
woman was born just by feeling their breasts.
“Really” she said, “Go on  then…  try.”
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose  patience.
“Come on, what day was I born”?
I said, “Yesterday.”

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.

After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked,

“Is it still requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?’

The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”

The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”

To which the rabbi replied,

“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.”

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest,

“Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”

The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”

The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”

The priest replied, “Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith.”

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.

Finally, the rabbi said,

“Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?”