Slay.me

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.

Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner.. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman..

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely, Edna

There was a New York Rabbi.. His son got a job transfer to Louisiana.

Two weeks later, the son called the father:

Son: Dad, I met a girl and we’re gonna get married.

Dad: Son, you know what they say about those Southern Belles. They can’t cook, they can’t clean house, don’t make love, and she’s gonna call you Jew Boy for the rest of your life.

Son: I don’t care. I love her and I’m going to marry her..

Two weeks later, the son called the father again,

Son: Dad, I married her!

Dad: What about all the things I warned you about?

Son : Dad, she cooks like a dream, she keeps the house spic-&-span and loves sex.

Dad: What about the last thing?

Son: We came to an understanding…………..

She doesn’t call me Jew Boy, and I don’t call her Schvartza.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen to the conversation:

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes”

WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, .go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$90,000”

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one  more thing .. The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it’s really a pretty good price.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!!”

MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape…..

He smiles and asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”