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After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed for the proper usage of Bank ATM Machines. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.

MALE PROCEDURE:
 1. Drive up to the cash machine.
 2. Put down your car window.
 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
 6. Put window up.
 7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
 1. Drive up to cash machine.
 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the  machine.
 3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate  card.
 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
 6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
 8. Insert card.
 9. Re-insert card the right way.
 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the  inside back page.
 11. Enter PIN.
 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
 13. Enter amount of cash required.
 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
 15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of  checkbook.
 18. Re-check makeup.
 19. Drive forward 2 feet.
 20. Reverse back to cash machine.
 21. Retrieve card.
 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot  provided!
 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
 25. Redial person on cell phone.
 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
 27. Release Parking Brake.

Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go.

Darryl was called into the doctor s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said “Yes” and the doctor proceeded. “Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?”

Darryl said, “I’d be half blind.”

“That’s correct. What if I poked out both eyes?”

“I’d be completely blind.” The doctor stood up, shook Darryl s hand, and told him he was free to go.

On Darryl’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Darryl mentioned the exam to Harold, who was seated in the waiting room. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers.

So Harold went into the doctor’s office when he was called. The doctor went thru the formalities and then asked, “What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?” Remembering what Darryl had told him, he answered, “I’d be half blind.”

The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. “What if I cut off the other ear?”

“I’d be completely blind,” Harold answered.”

“Harold, can you explain how you’d be blind?”

“My hat would fall down over my eyes.”

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prays… “God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well”. Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.

Once again, he prays.. “My God, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: “Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.”