Posts Tagged ‘lottery’
16
Jul

Jews hit the lottery

Slay.me Joke of the DayA Jewish couple in London won twenty-million pounds in the lottery.

They immediately set out to begin a life of luxury. They bought a magnificent mansion in Knightsbridge and surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable.

They decided to hire a butler. They found the perfect butler through an agency, very proper and very British, and brought him back to their home.

The day after his arrival, he was instructed to set up the dining table for four, as they were inviting the Cohens to lunch.

The couple then left the house to do some shopping.

When they returned, they found the table set for six.

Perplexed, they asked the butler why it was set for six when they had expressly asked him to set it for four.

The butler replied, “The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing the Blintzes.

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15
Sep

Redneck Lottery Winner

Slay.me Joke of the DayA Redneck buys a ticket  and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.

The Redneck says, “I want my $20 million.”

To which the man replied, “No sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today, and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.

The Redneck said, “I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it.”

Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!”

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20
Jun

Joe and the Lottery

Slay.me Joke of the DayA guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”

 

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prays… “God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well”. Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.

 

Once again, he prays.. “My God, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”

 

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: “Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.”