Slay.me

A traveling salesman drove into a  small town where a circus was playing.

A sign read: ‘Don’t Miss  The Amazing Jew.’

The intrigued  salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, under The Big  Top, in the center ring, was a table with three walnuts on it.  Standing next to it was an old Jewish Man wearing a name tag with  the name ‘Morty’ written on it.

Suddenly,  Morty dropped his pants, whipped out the biggest penis any man  could possibly have and smashed all the walnuts with three mighty  swings!

The crowd erupted in applause and the old Jewish  man was carried off on their shoulders to the tune of Hava  Nagila.

Fifteen years later the salesman visited the same  little town, found the same circus and saw the same faded sign  that read, ‘Don’t Miss The Amazing Jew’.

He couldn’t  believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his  act!  He bought a ticket.  Again, the center ring was  illuminated.  This time, however, instead of walnuts, three  coconuts were placed on the table. There stood Morty before  them.  Suddenly, the drum rolled, Morty dropped his pants and  smashed the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The  crowd went wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a  meeting with Morty after the show.  ‘You’re incredible’ he  told Morty, ‘but I have to know something.  I saw your act 15  years ago and you were using walnuts.  Why the switch from  walnuts to coconuts ?’

‘Vell I tell ya sompin,’ said  Morty, ‘my eyes ain’t vat day used to be’

There were three guys traveling in Africa, a Frenchman, a Japanese, and an American. They are captured by a tribe of fierce headhunters. The witch doctor says to them, “We are going to slaughter you, but you might take some comfort in the fact that we don’t believe in waste here, and that therefore every part of your body will go to some use. We will weave baskets out of your hair, we will render your bones for glue, and we will tan your skin and stretch it over wooden frames for canoes. Now we are going to allow you an honorable death, so I will give you each a knife and allow you to say some last words before killing yourselves.”

The Japanese guy yells “Banzai!” and commits hari-kari.

The French guy yells “Vive la France!” and slits his throat.
Then the American guy takes the knife, pokes holes all over his body, and yells, “There’s your fucking canoe!”