Slay.me

Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me Janice, who created the universe?” When Janice didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

“God Almighty!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good” and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, “Who is our Lord and Saviour.” But, Janice didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, “If you stick me with that thing one more time, I’ll break it in half and stick it up your ass!”

… the teacher fainted!

A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?”
The mother answered, “God  made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..”

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question..
The father answered, “Many years ago  there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?”

The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.”

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she  Asked “Is my time up?”

God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to Live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had Someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she
Had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing The street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had Another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the Ambulance?”

God replied: “I didn’t bloody recognize you.”