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After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed for the proper usage of Bank ATM Machines. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.

MALE PROCEDURE:
 1. Drive up to the cash machine.
 2. Put down your car window.
 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
 6. Put window up.
 7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
 1. Drive up to cash machine.
 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the  machine.
 3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate  card.
 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
 6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
 8. Insert card.
 9. Re-insert card the right way.
 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the  inside back page.
 11. Enter PIN.
 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
 13. Enter amount of cash required.
 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
 15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of  checkbook.
 18. Re-check makeup.
 19. Drive forward 2 feet.
 20. Reverse back to cash machine.
 21. Retrieve card.
 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot  provided!
 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
 25. Redial person on cell phone.
 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
 27. Release Parking Brake.

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine…

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes desert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill- beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine…

(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine…

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed’ her night off ‘, and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.