A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend.
After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis, something she seemed to love to do.
Enjoying it, he turned and asked her, ‘Why do you love doing that?’
She replied, ‘Because I really miss mine.’
A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the urologist for his yearly prostate check. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says, “I’m going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees,
then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, ’99’.”
The guy obeys and says,”99.”
The doctor says, “Great. Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, ’99’.”
Again, the guy says, ’99’.”
The doctor said, “Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I’m going to hold on to
your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, ’99’.”
The guy begins, “One .. Two … Three.”
A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged, shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
‘Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to live. The damage was confined to your pubic area, there was no internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.’
‘What’s the bad news?’ asked the hunter.
‘The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.’
‘Oh, well I guess that isn’t too bad,’ the hunter replied. ‘Is your sister a plastic surgeon?’
‘Not exactly,’ answered the doctor.
‘She’s a flute player in the local symphony and she’s going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t piss in your eye.’