Slay.me

The missus was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.

Her husband walked in; she turned to him and said, You’ve got to make love to me this very moment.’

His eyes lit up and he thought, ‘This is my lucky day!’

Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her And then gave it his all, Right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards, she said, “Thanks,” And returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asked, “What was that all about?”

She explained,

“The egg timer’s broken.”

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named  Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a  spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he  invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude  he asked with a smile, “So, you finish?”

She paused for a second,  frowned, and replied, “No.”

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the  rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.

The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks,  “You finish?”

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile,  cuddles closer to him and softly says, “No.”

Stunned, but damned if he  was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet  again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end  together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted,  Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks  into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, “You finish?”

Barely  able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, “No, I Norwegian”.

A man dials his home and a strange woman answers. The man says, “Who is this?”

“This is the maid,” answers the woman.

“We don’t have a maid,” says the man.

The woman says, “I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.”

The man says, “Well, this is her husband. Is she there?” The woman replies,

“She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was her husband.”

The man is fuming and says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make $50,000?”

The maid says, “What will I have to do?”

The man tells her, “I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she’s with.”

The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone “What do I do with the bodies?”

The man says, “Throw them in the swimming pool.”

Puzzled, the maid answers, “But you don’t have a pool.”

A long pause and the man says, “Is this 567-5309?”