Slay.me

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, “I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I’m not leaving until I get it.”

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, “Do any of the girls have any diseases?”

Of course the Madam said no.

He said, “I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT’S the girl I want.”

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, “Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?”

He said, “Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he’ll jump the baby-sitter’s bones, and he’ll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE’S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!”

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have  turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.   All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”

Little Johnny says to himself  “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”

Teacher:  “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”

Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”

Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”

Teacher: “That’s right Nancy, you may also leave.”

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!”

The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”

Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”

A nun’s habit was in desperate need of money, but none were willing to give them any donations. Things were so terrible for them that the Habit’s donkey couldn’t even farm anymore due to hunger. The nun who owned the donkey, even though she thought it was wrong, stooped to desperate measures.

Taking the last bit of food– a carrot– from the kitchen, she lead the donkey to the local track. She tied the carrot in front of the donkey and bet all the money she had on the beast. The donkey was so hungry that it ran after the carrot and won first place. The odds were so low on the Donkey that she walked away with thousands of dollars. The story made the front page.

Nun’s Ass wins First Place!

Upon seeing this, the local cardinal immedeately found the nun and told her that she had committed a grave sin by gambling, and that she should take care of the news headline. The nun went to the local press the next morning and talked to the editor about it. After a while, the editor agreed to print a story rectifying the situation. The papers the next morning read,

Cardinal is Disturbed upon seeing Nun’s Ass at the Track

Upon seeing this, the Cardinal was furious. He went to the nun and demanded that she get rid of the donkey at once. He didn’t care how. The nun, thinking that it could at least serve God by getting some money, sold it to a local farmer, who happened to be the brother of the editor-in-cheif. The papers the next morning read,

Nun Peddles Ass on Street Corner

The cardinal was found dead that afternoon of a heart attack.