Posts Tagged ‘little johnnie’
15
Jul

Slay.me Joke of the DayIt is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have  turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.   All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”

Little Johnny says to himself  “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”

Teacher:  “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”

Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”

Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”

Teacher: “That’s right Nancy, you may also leave.”

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!”

The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”

Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”

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23
May

baby-noearsLittle Johnny’s neighbour had a baby.

 

Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

 

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.

 

Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

 

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.

 

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

 

When Johnny looked in the crib he said, “What a beautiful baby.”

 

The mother said, “Why, thank you, Little Johnny.

 

Johnny said, “He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?”

 

“Yes”, the mother replied, “we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.”

 

“That’s great”, said Little Johnny,”coz he’d be fucked if he needed glasses”.