Slay.me

True Story Submitted by Ellae E.  – Thanks for the submission!

A science professor from UCSD went to deliver a paper in NY when the city was very dangerous.

He has been warned by others not to leave his room after dark……………. not for any  reason!

Everything went well until the very last night.  He realized at about 10 pm that he was out of cigarettes.  Any smoker who realizes that cigs are not available will crave them even more.  He paced the room until he could stand it no longer.  He dashed into the night and racing towards the corner smoke shop.  A stranger suddenly came upon him, bumped right into him, roughed him up and hurried on down the street.  The professor righted himself and patted his back pocket. His wallet was gone.    Spinning around, furious at having his wallet stolen, he ran down the stranger.

“LET ME HAVE THAT WALLET, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”  He screamed as he grabbed him by the collar, spinning him around “GIVE IT TO ME!”

The man relented “Alright, Alright, Alright, here!”

The professor grabbed the wallet, thrust it into his back pocket and raced back to his room, heart pounding.

Throwing himself on the bed he glanced around the room. There was his wallet on the bed stand.

Gennaro walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day.

Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes.

He wants those shoes so much…

it’s all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.

Gennaro seizes this opportunity to wear his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, ‘Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?’

Startled, Sophia replies,  ‘Yes, Gennaro, I do wear red panties tonight, But how do you know?’

Gennaro answers, ‘I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes.  How do you like them?’

Next he asks Rosa to dance,  and after a few minutes he asks, ‘Rosa , do you wear white panties tonight?’

Rosa answers,  ‘Yes, Gennaro, I do,  But how do you know that?’

He replies,  ‘I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes… How do you like them?’

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Gennaro asks Carmela to dance.

Midway through the dance his face turns red…  He states, ‘Carmela, be stilla my heart, Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, Please, please, tella me this true!’

Carmela smiles coyly and answers, ‘Yes Gennaro, I wear no panties tonight…’

Gennaro gasps, ‘Thanka God …

I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Boccelli leather shoes!’

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet & have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out & make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it’s his first time &  the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms & sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time & all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house & meets his girlfriend at the door. ‘Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!’

The boy goes inside & is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace & bows his head. A minute passes & the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass & still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over & whispers to the boyfriend, ‘I had no idea you were this religious.’

The boy turns & whispers back, ‘I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.’