Posts Tagged ‘new york’

The Naked Woman and the Taxi Driver

A drunk woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City. The taxi driver, who happened to be an old Jewish man, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

She said to him, “What’s wrong with you honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old man said “Lady, I’m not staring at you, I am telling you, det vould not be proper vair I come from”.

She said, “Well, if you’re not staring at my boobs sweetie, what are you doing then?”

He said, “Vell, I am looking and I’m looking, and I am tinking to myself, vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?”

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The Gallant Sailor Joke of the DayA beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

“You have so much to live for,” said the man. “I’m a sailor, and we’re off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. “I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy.”

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted.  That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small, but comfortable, compartment in the hold.

From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

“What are you doing here?” asked the captain.

“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied. “He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe .”

“I see,” the captain says.

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, “Plus, he’s screwing me.”

“He certainly is,” replied the captain, “this is the Staten Island Ferry.”

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The Science Professor and the Cigarettes

True Story Submitted by Ellae E.  – Thanks for the submission!

A science professor from UCSD went to deliver a paper in NY when the city was very dangerous.

He has been warned by others not to leave his room after dark……………. not for any  reason!

Everything went well until the very last night.  He realized at about 10 pm that he was out of cigarettes.  Any smoker who realizes that cigs are not available will crave them even more.  He paced the room until he could stand it no longer.  He dashed into the night and racing towards the corner smoke shop.  A stranger suddenly came upon him, bumped right into him, roughed him up and hurried on down the street.  The professor righted himself and patted his back pocket. His wallet was gone.    Spinning around, furious at having his wallet stolen, he ran down the stranger.

“LET ME HAVE THAT WALLET, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”  He screamed as he grabbed him by the collar, spinning him around “GIVE IT TO ME!”

The man relented “Alright, Alright, Alright, here!”

The professor grabbed the wallet, thrust it into his back pocket and raced back to his room, heart pounding.

Throwing himself on the bed he glanced around the room. There was his wallet on the bed stand.

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