Slay.me

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some  cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll  throw both of us in jail!
All kinds of bad things will happen.  Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s  different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

Lord Nelson is on his flagship HMS Victory and from the crow’s nest comes the shout “Spanish galleon on the starboard bow!”

Nelson says to his cabin boy,

Go to my cabin, lad, and bring me my red coat then if I am wounded in battle the crew will not see my blood and will carry on fighting.

Suddenly the cry comes from the crow’s nest,

“Another fifty Spanish galleons on the starboard bow!”

Nelson shouts down to his cabin boy

“Bring my brown cords while you’re down there!”

The computer swallowed Grandma
Yes, honestly it’s true
She pressed control and enter
And disappeared from view
It devoured her completely
The thought just makes me squirm
She must of caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm
I’ve searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind
I’ve even used the internet
But nothing did I find
In desperation I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine
The reply from him was negative
Not a thing was found online
So if inside your inbox
My Grandma you should see
Please copy, scan and paste her
And send her back to me