Slay.me

A flight had a very rough ascent. ice, wind and buffeting through out the plane.  the passengers were all nervous. finally the pilot got on the plane’s intercom and announced to the passengers that they were on time and the flight was stable.  a sigh of relief went through the entire plane.  still nervous himself the pilot forgot to switch off the intercom.

After his comforting announcement he turned to the co pilot and said ‘ whew, now all i need is a cup of coffee and a blow job.’

a stewardess immediately rushed down the aisle to alert the captain that the entire plane could here him……….

from the back of the plane a man called out……….

don’t forget the coffee.

Submitted by Ellae E. – THANKS!

Moishe (the father)  says to his son: “I want you to marry a girl of my choice”. The son  says: “I will choose my own bride”.

Moishe says: “But the girl is  Bill Gates’ daughter”.
The son answers: “Well, in that case, yes  ok”.

Moishe then approaches Bill Gates and says: “I have a  husband for your daughter”.
Bill Gates answers: “But my daughter is too  young to get married”!

Moishe says: “But this young man is a  vice-president of the World Bank”.

Bill Gates answers: “Ah, in that  case, yes ok”.

Finally Moishe goes to see the president of  the World Bank. Moishe says: “I have a young man to be recommended as  a vice-president”.

The president answers: “But I already have  more vice-presidents than I need”.

Moishe says: “But  this young man is Bill Gates’ son-in-law”.

The President  answers: “Ah, in that case, yes ok.”

And that is how  successful Jews do business…

What differentiates females aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78?

At 8 — You put her to bed and read her a story.

At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

At 78 — What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?