jokes's page

02
Nov

Halloween Coffin Joke

pumpkin pieA Scary Halloween Tale:

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP…

BUMPITY…

BUMP…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP . . .

BUMPITY . . .

BUMP . . .

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER . . .

FASTER . . .

BUMP . . .

BUMPITY . . .

BUMP . . .

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys,  opens the door,  rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.

clappity – BUMP . . .

clappity – BUMPITY . . .

clappity – BUMP . . .

on his heels, as the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in.

His heart is pounding;

his head is reeling;

his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

WITH A LOUD CRASH

THE CASKET BREAKS DOWN THE DOOR.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something,

anything,

but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

In desperation, he throws the cough syrup at the casket . .

AND,

AND,

(hopefully you’re ready for this!!!)

The coffin STOPS!

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28
Sep

The Overturned Golf Cart

Slay.me Joke of the DayOne afternoon Howard accidentally overturned his golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a condo on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, “Are you okay, what’s your name?”

“It’s Howard, and I’m okay, thanks,” he replied.

“Howard, forget your troubles. Come up to my condo and rest for awhile, and I’ll help you get the cart up later.”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” he answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.”

“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted. She was very pretty, very sexy and so persuasive and Howard was weak.

“Well okay,” he finally agreed, and added, “but my wife. won’t like it.”

After a glass of scotch, and some very creative putting lessons demonstrated by Elizabeth, he thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset.”

“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Probably still under the cart!” Howard said.

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21
Sep

The Jewish Elbow

Slay.me Joke of the DayA Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

“You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”

“What…you coming empty handed?”

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