Slay.me

One afternoon Howard accidentally overturned his golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a condo on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, “Are you okay, what’s your name?”

“It’s Howard, and I’m okay, thanks,” he replied.

“Howard, forget your troubles. Come up to my condo and rest for awhile, and I’ll help you get the cart up later.”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” he answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.”

“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted. She was very pretty, very sexy and so persuasive and Howard was weak.

“Well okay,” he finally agreed, and added, “but my wife. won’t like it.”

After a glass of scotch, and some very creative putting lessons demonstrated by Elizabeth, he thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset.”

“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Probably still under the cart!” Howard said.

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

‘Honey, she said, ‘you received a very strange post card today.’

‘Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,’ he said.

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?

“The barber looked around the shop full of customers  and said, “About  2 hours.” The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked,  “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around at the shop and said, “About 3 hours.” The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop and said, “About an hour and half.” The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, “Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back.” A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, “So where does that guy go when he leaves?”

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said…….

“Your house.”