A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.
He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear.
In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims, “Damn, some asshole has my pen!”
A young blonde girl was at the doctor’s for a checkup:
“By the way, Doctor, my boyfriend has dandruff. Is there anything you might suggest?”
“Why don’t you just give him Head & Shoulders?”
After a short pause,
“How do you give shoulders?”
A rabbit and a snake, both blind from birth, happen to meet in the forest one day. They get to talking and the rabbit asks the snake, “Would you mind running your hands (not knowing what a snake looks like) over my body and telling me what kind of an animal I am? I’m too embarrassed to ask my near-sighted friends because I’m afraid they’ll make fun of me.”
The snake says, “Okay,” and proceeds to wind himself around the rabbit from one end to the other, then back again. “Well,” the snake says, “You’re kind of warm with real soft fur and you have two very long, fury ears.”
The rabbit thinks about that for a moment and then exclaims, “W O W! I must be a bunny!” and he hops around and hops around and starts hopping away.
“Wait!” shouts the snake, “What about me? Come back here and do the same thing for me!”
The rabbit hops over and with his fury little paws, pats the snake from one end to the other and then back again. He sits down without saying a word.
“Well?” asks the snake, “What kind of animal an I?”
“I’m not really sure,” says the rabbit. “You’re kind of cold and slimy, and for the life of me, I can’t tell your head from your ass.”
The snake thinks and thinks about this, then exclaims, “W O W! I must be a lawyer!”