jokes's page

17
Jul

Guido, the Italian Lover

Slay.me Joke of the DayA virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named  Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a  spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he  invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude  he asked with a smile, “So, you finish?”

She paused for a second,  frowned, and replied, “No.”

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the  rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.

The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks,  “You finish?”

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile,  cuddles closer to him and softly says, “No.”

Stunned, but damned if he  was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet  again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end  together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted,  Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks  into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, “You finish?”

Barely  able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, “No, I Norwegian”.

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16
Jul

The Hooker’s Union

Slay.me Joke of the DayA  dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in  Las  Vegas and decided to  check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he  asked the Madam, ‘Is this a union house?’
‘No,’  she replied, ‘I’m sorry it isn’t.’
‘Well,  if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?’
‘The  house gets $80 and the girls get $20,’ she  answered.
Offended at such unfair dealings, the  union man stomped off down the street in search of a more  equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until  finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, ‘Why yes  sir, this is a union house.  ‘We observe all union  rules.’
The  man asked, ‘And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?’  ‘The girls get $80 and the house gets $20..’
‘That’s  more like it!’ the union man said.
He  handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a  stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde .

‘I’d  like her,’ he said.
‘I’m  sure you would, sir,’ said the Madam. Then she gestured to a  92-year old woman in the corner, ‘but Ethel here has 67 years  seniority and according to union rules, she’s  next.’

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15
Jul

Top 10 Harry Potter Jokes

Slay.me Joke of the DayIn Honor of the Movie Release of the 6th Harry Potter Movie, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, here are Slay.me’s Top 10 Harry Potter Jokes:

10.  What do you call a coughing Quidditch commentator?  Weasley!

9. Did you hear about the witch who won the lottery?  Yeah, she went completely Knuts!

8.  Is being a dementor a fun job?  No, it’s soul destroying!

7.  How many Voldemorts does it take to light up a wand? None. Why do you think he’s called the *Dark* Lord?

6.  Whats snapes boggart? A cauldron full of Shampoo!

5.  What does a death eater eat for breakfast? Cruci-O’s!

4. Yo momma is SO muggle, she thought the floo network was on channel 54!

3. Where do you find Dumbledore’s Army? Up his sleevy!

2.  Knock knock?  Who’s there?  You Know.  You-Know-Who?  That’s right! Avada Kedavra!

1. Wormtail: Master, can you really rise again?  Voldemort: Certainly, but you may have to give me a hand!

Bonus:

123 Ways to Annoy Voldemort – Click Here

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