Slay.me

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: $4.00
HAMBURGER: $7.00
CHEESEBURGER: $9.00
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $9.50
HAND JOB: $100.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.

“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help you sir?”

Will the old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?”

She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes sir, I sure am.”

The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, “Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger.”

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, ‘I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!’

‘IMPOSSIBLE !’ said the groom broom.

‘WE HAVEN’T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!’

Murphy’s old lady had been  pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

He brought her to the  doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. ‘Hey,  Murph! You just had you a son,!

‘Ain’t dat grand, !!’ Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor  spoke up and said, ‘Hold on! We ain’t  finished  yet, !’

The doctor then delivered a little girl.

He said, ‘Hey, Murph! You got you a  daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too….’

Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, ‘Hold on, we  aint got done yet, !’

The doctor then delivered another boy and said,  Murph, you just had  yourself another boy, !’

Murphy said to the doctor, ‘Doc, what caused all of dem  babies,?’

The doctor said, ‘You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during  conception.’

Murphy said, ‘Ah yeah, during conception.’

When Murph and his wife went home with their three  children, he sat down with his wife and said,

‘Mama, you remember dat night  that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.’

She said, ‘Yeah, I  remember dat night…’

Murph said, ‘I’ll tell you, ……it’s a  f”” kin’ good ting we didn’t use WD-40.