Archive for the ‘Catholic Jokes’ Category

07
Mar

The Two Catholic Boys

Slay.me Joke of the DayThere were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the  same year  Timothy was born in Ireland , Antonio was born in Italy.

Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.

Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a cut above Timothy Murphy in all respects.

Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when  the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the Next  Pope.

In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work.

In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.

The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!

Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy’s gifts, Antonio knew he was the better qualified.

With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, “Why Timothy?”

After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply.

“We knew you were the better of the two, but we just  could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called POPE SECOLA.

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14
Dec

World War 2 – Sexual Confession

Slay.me Joke of the DayIt was 1965 & an elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the Confessional, The man said: ‘Father … During World War II, a beautiful
Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis.  So I hid her in my attic.’
The priest replied: ‘That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.’
‘There is more to tell, Father… She started to repay me with sexual favors.
This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.’
The priest said, ‘That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under
those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh.  However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.’

‘Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind.

I do have one more question.’

‘And what is that?’ asked the priest.

‘Should I tell her the war is over?”

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01
Nov

The Soapy Priest

Slay.me Joke of the DayA young priest was visiting a convent. One day he was taking shower, when he realized that he didn’t have any soap

He wrapped a towel around himself and ran to his room, hoping no one saw him.

He got to his room, grabbed the soap and was running back to his shower. On his way, his towel came off, but he heard two nuns coming down the hallway. He was forced to leave the towel, and stand like a statue.

When the nuns came to him, one said, ”Look! A new soap dispenser!”

Another said, ”How you get the soap?”

So one pulled on his dick, and a bar of soap fell from his hand. ‘

‘Look! I got a bar of soap!” said the nun.

The second nun pulled on his dick. ”Look! I got liquid soap!”

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