Posts Tagged ‘beer’
17
Feb

Beer Drinking Men

WOMAN:    DO YOU DRINK BEER?

MAN:    YES

WOMAN  :     HOW MANY BEERS A DAY?

MAN:    USUALLY ABOUT THREE

WOMAN:    HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY PER BEER?

MAN:    $5.00 WHICH INCLUDES A TIP (THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SCARY!)

WOMAN:    AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?

MAN:    ABOUT 20 YEARS, I SUPPOSE

WOMAN:    SO A BEER COSTS $5 AND YOU HAVE THREE BEERS A DAY WHICH PUTS YOUR   SPENDING EACH MONTH AT $450.    IN ONE YEAR, IT WOULD BE APPROXIMATELY $5400 CORRECT?

MAN:    CORRECT

WOMAN:    IF IN 1 YEAR YOU SPEND $5400, NOT ACCOUNTING FOR INFLATION,  THE  PAST 20 YEARS PUTS YOUR SPENDING AT $108,000 CORRECT?

MAN:    CORRECT

WOMAN:    DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU DIDN’T DRINK SO MUCH BEER, THAT MONEY   COULD HAVE BEEN PUT IN A STEP-UP INTEREST SAVINGS ACCOUNT AND AFTER ACCOUNTING FOR COMPOUND INTEREST FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS, YOU COULD HAVE NOW BOUGHT AN AIRPLANE?

MAN:    DO YOU DRINK BEER?

WOMAN:    NO.

MAN:    WHERE IS YOUR AIRPLANE?

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25
Feb

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.”

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.

She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner.

After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?”

Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.”

Hillary was shocked, but said, “Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem.”

Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, “So why do you have all that money in the box?”

Bill answered: “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash.”

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28
Jan

The Redneck Vasectomy Joke

Slay.me Joke of the DayAfter their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children..

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

‘A less costly alternative, ‘ said the doctor, ‘is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in redneck country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.’

The redneck said to the doctor, ‘I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me..’

‘Trust me,’ said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

‘1’

‘2’

‘3’

‘4’

‘5’

At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand..

This procedure works in  Texas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and West Virginia .

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