Slay.me

An elderly man in Florida owned a large farm. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”

He frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding the bucket up, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Some old men can still think fast.

A  chicken farmer went to a local bar…. Sat next  to a woman and ordered a glass of  champagne..

The woman perks up and says,  ‘How about that ??      I just ordered a glass of  champagne, too !!’

‘What a coincidence’ the  farmer says. ‘This is a special day for me…. I  am celebrating’

‘This is a special day  for me too, I am also celebrating !!’  says the woman.

‘What a coincidence !!’ says the  farmer.      As they clinked glasses the man asked,  ‘What are you celebrating ??’

‘My husband  and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant !!’

‘What a coincidence,’ says the  man. ‘I’m a chicken farmer and for years all of  my hens were infertile, but today they are all  laying fertilized eggs.’

‘That’s great!’  says the woman. ‘How did your chickens become  fertile ??’

‘I used a different cock,’ he  replied.

The woman smiled and said, ‘What  a coincidence.’

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?’ The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’ The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket.  Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?’ ‘Why thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time..

‘ The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’

The farmer said, ‘Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’

The old lady replied, ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.