Archive for the ‘Farm Jokes’ Category

01
Dec

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone , and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an
exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports to an image processing facility in Hamburg,Germany.   Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the
image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re an aide in the Obama Administration”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of
equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter.

This is a herd of sheep. …

Now give me back my dog.”

, , , , , , ,

28
Feb

Slay.me Joke of the DayA teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read. ‘And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’

The teacher paused then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly…

‘I think the man would have said – ‘I’ll be a son of a bitch!! A talking pig!’

, , , , , , ,

21
Apr

Slay.me Joke of the DayAn old man was sitting at a bar on a nice beautiful day looking kinda upset when two younger people noticed him there and went over to him

“Whats wrong“ one of the young guys asked

the old man simply replied “Some things you cant explain“ and continued drinking

the 2nd young guy asks “well why are sitting in here instead of enjoying this beautiful day“

the old man says “well i was out milking my cow today and just when i got the bucket full she takes her back left leg and knocks it over, so i tie her leg to a post and tried again“

the young guys then say “well that doesnt sound to bad, you should go enjoy the rest of today“

the old man continues “well i got the bucket full again and i’ll be darned she knocks it over with her back right leg, so i tie that one to a post and try again“

the two young guys tell the old man “well that must suck“

“let me finish“ the old man says “so i get the bucket full again and the stupid cow knocks it over with her tail, i couldnt find anything to tie down her tail so i took my belt off and lifted her tail to tie it, then my pants fell down as soon as my wife walked outside and well some things you just ca’nt explain.

Submitted by Matt – Thanks Matt!

, ,