Archive for the ‘Golf Jokes’ Category

10
Jan

Joke of the DayTwo 70-year-old men had been friends all of their lives.

When it was clear that Frank was dying, Joe visited him every day.

One day Joe said, “Frank, we both loved playing golf all our lives, and we started playing soon after high school.

Please do me one favor: “when you get to heaven,somehow you must let me know if there’s golf there.”

Frank looked up at Joe from his deathbed and said, “Joe, you’ve been my best friend for many years.  If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.”

Shortly after that, Frank died.

A few weeks later, Joe was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Joe, Joe .”

“Who is it,” asked Joe, sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”

“Joe– it’s me, Frank”

“You’re not Frank . Frank just died.”

“I’m telling you, it’s me, Frank,” insisted the voice.

“Frank,Where are you?”

“In heaven,” replied Frank. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”

“Tell me the good news first,” said Joe.

“The good news,” Frank said with joy and enthusiasm, “is that there is golf in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before me are here too. Even better than that, we’re all young again.
Better still, it’s always Summertime and it never rains.

And best of all, we can play golf all we want, and we never get tired. ” And we get to play with all the Greats of the past.

“That’s fantastic,” said Joe “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?”

“You’re in my foursome this Saturday”

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21
Jun

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: $4.00
HAMBURGER: $7.00
CHEESEBURGER: $9.00golfer handjob
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $9.50
HAND JOB: $100.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.

“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help you sir?”

Will the old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?”

She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes sir, I sure am.”

The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, “Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger.”

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04
Jun

Slay.me Joke of the DayThe room was full of pregnant women with their partners.  The class was in full swing.  The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.  Walking is especially beneficial.  It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.  Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”

She looked at the men in the room, “and Gentlemen, remember — You’re in this together — It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her.”

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

“Yes?” answered the Instructor.

“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk??”

—- This kind of sensitivity just can’t be taught…..

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