Slay.me

Which colonists told the most jokes?

Punsylvanians!

What was General Washington’s favourite tree?

The infantry

Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?

At the chopping mall!

Why did the British cross the Atlantic?

To get to the other tide!

What did Paul Revere say at the end of his ride?

I gotta get a softer saddle!

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?

The Americans licked the British!

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?

Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?

Yeah, it cracked me up!

What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?

The Fodder of Our Country!

What’s red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?
A revolutionary warthog!

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O’Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, “O’Brian, come ‘ere. I ‘ave a request for ye.” Shawn walked to his friend’s bedside and kneels.

“Shawny ole boy, we’ve been friends all our lives, and now I’m leaving ‘ere. I ‘ave one last request fir ye to do.”

O’Brian burst into tears, “Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It’s done.”

“Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland.  Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I’ll be able to enjoy it for all eternity.”

O’Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend’s request, he asked, “Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?”