Archive for the ‘Irish Jokes’ Category

12
Dec

A Mexican family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home.

All the hispanic facilities were full, so they had to put him in an Irish home.

After a few weeks in the Irish facility, they came to visit grandpa.

How do you like it here? asks the grandson..

It’s wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful, says grandpa.

We’re so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone.

Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents, Abuelo says with a big smile.

There’s a musician here — he’s 85 years old. He hasn’t played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him ‘Maestro’!

There’s a judge here — he’s 95 years old. He hasn’t been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him ‘Your Honor’!

There’s a dentist here — he’s 90 years old. He hasn’t fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him ‘Doctor’!

And me –  I haven’t had sex for 35 years and they still call me the ‘Fucking Mexican’!

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02
Sep

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner, a New Englander, and a Californian) an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a  Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani,an Amish, a Romanian, a Chilean, an Eskimo, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino,
a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47 Africans

walk into a fine restaurant….

The maître d’ scrutinizes the group one by one and bars their entrance saying:

“Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

21
Mar

Slay.me Joke of the DayThe Reverend John Fluff was the pastor in a small town in Ireland. One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn’t happy!

He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

“Miss Fitzgerald,” he said sternly – “This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?”

“Sure!” she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth.. The Reverend realized that she’d had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub barkeep looked over and said, “Oy mate, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this pub.”

The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, “But you don’t understand. I’m Pastor Fluff.”

The barkeep said, “Ah well, if you’re that far in, ye might as well finish.”

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