Archive for the ‘Irish Jokes’ Category


irish pub jokeJohn O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife !”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of The night.”

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been in there twice in the last four years. “Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep”.

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Three Irishmen were sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel across the road. The local Methodist vicar appeared at the brothel door and quickly went inside. “Wouldja look at that!” said the first Irishman. “Didn’t I always say what a bunch a hypocrites they are?”

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appeared at the door, knocked, and went inside. “Another one tryin’ to fool everyone with pious preachin’ and stupid hats!” said the second Irishman.

The three continued drinking their beers, roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi. Then they saw their own Catholic priest knock on the brothel door. “Ah, now dat’s sad,” said the third Irishman. “One a the gerls musta died.”

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A Mexican family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home.

All the hispanic facilities were full, so they had to put him in an Irish home.

After a few weeks in the Irish facility, they came to visit grandpa.

How do you like it here? asks the grandson..

It’s wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful, says grandpa.

We’re so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone.

Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents, Abuelo says with a big smile.

There’s a musician here — he’s 85 years old. He hasn’t played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him ‘Maestro’!

There’s a judge here — he’s 95 years old. He hasn’t been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him ‘Your Honor’!

There’s a dentist here — he’s 90 years old. He hasn’t fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him ‘Doctor’!

And me —  I haven’t had sex for 35 years and they still call me the ‘Fucking Mexican’!

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