Posts Tagged ‘rabbi joke’
01
May

The Arab and the Jewish Genie

An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water.

It got so bad that even his camel died of thirst.

He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that it was a Manischewitz wine bottle.

It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top and out popped a genie.

BUT this was no ordinary Genie.
This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi,
complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzis.

‘Vell kid,’ said the genie, ‘you know how it voiks. You got tree vishes.’

‘I’m not going to trust you,’ says the Arab.
‘I’m not going to trust a Jewish genie!’

‘Vott you got to lose? Looks ta me – you’re a goner anyvay!’

The Arab thought about this for a minute and decided that
the genie was right.
‘Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink.’

* * * * * * * P O O F! * * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

‘Okee-dokee kiddo, vat’s your second vish?’

‘My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.’

* * * * * * * P O O F!* * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.

‘Okay kid, you got just vone more vish.

Best you should make it a good vone!’

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says,
‘I wish that no matter where I go,
beautiful women will always need and want me!’

* * * * * * * P O O F! * * * * * * * * *

He was turned into a tampon.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

If you’re an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie,
there’s bound to be a string attached.

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29
May

The Departing Rabbi

Slay.me Joke of the DayAt  the regular Saturday morning service, the rabbi announced that he was  planning to leave for a larger congregation that would pay him more. There is a  hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave because he is so  popular.

Fred Shapiro, who owns several car dealerships in Venice and Sarasota , stands up and proclaims, “If the  rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with  a Honda mini-van to transport their children!” The congregation sighs in  appreciation and applauds.

Saul Cohen, a successful businessman and  lawyer, stands and says, “If the rabbi will stay on here, I’ll personally double  his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee a free college education for  his children!”

More sighs and loud applause.

Estelle  Rubin, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, “If the rabbi stays, I will  give him sex!”  There is total silence.

The rabbi, blushing,  asks her: “Mrs. Rubin, you’re a wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you  to say that?”

Estelle’s 90-year old husband, Abe, is now trying to  hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from  side to side, while his wife replies:

“Well, I just asked my  husband how we could help, and he said, “Screw  him”.

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