Archive for the ‘Lawyer Jokes’ Category

15
Mar

The Senior and the ‘smart’ Lawyer

Slay.me Joke of the DayA lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun.  I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5.  Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.

This catches the senior’s attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.  ‘What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?’

The senior doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it’s the senior’s turn.  He asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’

The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on the Net.

He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail.  After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.  The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer.  He wakes the senior up and asks, ‘Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?’

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

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02
Aug

The Generous Lawyer

Slay.me Joke of the DayA local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … no.”

The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”

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28
Jul

The Blind Snake and Rabbit

Slay.me Joke of the DayA rabbit and a snake, both blind from birth, happen to meet in the forest one day. They get to talking and the rabbit asks the snake, “Would you mind running your hands (not knowing what a snake looks like) over my body and telling me what kind of an animal I am? I’m too embarrassed to ask my near-sighted friends because I’m afraid they’ll make fun of me.”

The snake says, “Okay,” and proceeds to wind himself around the rabbit from one end to the other, then back again. “Well,” the snake says, “You’re kind of warm with real soft fur and you have two very long, fury ears.”

The rabbit thinks about that for a moment and then exclaims, “W O W! I must be a bunny!” and he hops around and hops around and starts hopping away.

“Wait!” shouts the snake, “What about me? Come back here and do the same thing for me!”

The rabbit hops over and with his fury little paws, pats the snake from one end to the other and then back again. He sits down without saying a word.

“Well?” asks the snake, “What kind of animal an I?”

“I’m not really sure,” says the rabbit. “You’re kind of cold and slimy, and for the life of me, I can’t tell your head from your ass.”

The snake thinks and thinks about this, then exclaims, “W O W! I must be a lawyer!”

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