Archive for the ‘Marriage Jokes’ Category

Nov Joke of the DayAt breakfast, the husband asked his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?”

She replied, “I’d take half and leave you.”

“Great,” he said. “Here’s $6. I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch!”

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Sep Joke of the DayOne afternoon Howard accidentally overturned his golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a condo on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, “Are you okay, what’s your name?”

“It’s Howard, and I’m okay, thanks,” he replied.

“Howard, forget your troubles. Come up to my condo and rest for awhile, and I’ll help you get the cart up later.”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” he answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.”

“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted. She was very pretty, very sexy and so persuasive and Howard was weak.

“Well okay,” he finally agreed, and added, “but my wife. won’t like it.”

After a glass of scotch, and some very creative putting lessons demonstrated by Elizabeth, he thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset.”

“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”

“Probably still under the cart!” Howard said.

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Aug Joke of the DayA Newfoundlander was walking home late at night and spots a woman in the Shadows.

“Twenty dollars” she whispers.

Perry had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it’s only twenty bucks. So they hide in the bushes.

They’re going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a police officer.

“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.

“I’s makin’ love to me wife!”, the Newfoundlander answers, annoyed.

“Oh! I’m sorry”, says the cop. “I didn’t know.”

“Well, neidder did I, ’til ya shined that light in ‘er face!”

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