Archive for the ‘Marriage Jokes’ Category

04
Mar

Joke of the DayShwartz goes to meet his new son-in-law-to -be, Sol who is very religious.
“So now tell me, what do you do?”
“I study Torah,” he replies.
“Admirable, but how are going to house and feed my daughter?”
“No problem. I study Torah and it says God will provide.”
“But you will have children. How will you clothe them?’”Not a problem. God will provide.”Shwartz returns home to his wife, who anxiously asks what is Sol like.
“Well” say Schwartz,”he’s a lovely boy. I just met him and already he thinks I’m God.”

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24
Jan

parrotA woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

“Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.”

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.”

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought “that’s really not so bad.”

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.”

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman’s husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said,  “Hi Keith.”

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21
Jan

Joke of the DayA young Jewish couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

“Well”, said her mother, “so how was the honeymoon?”

“Oh mama”, she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic”

… Suddenly she burst out crying. “But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language — things I’d never heard before in our home! I mean, all these awful four-letter words! You’ve got to take me home!” “PLEASE MAMA !”

“Sarah, Sarah”, her mother said, “calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out.” ‘Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT four-letter words?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” wept the daughter. “I’m so embarrassed, they’re just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!”

“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible four-letter words!”

Sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, Mama…, he used words like:”DUST, WASH, IRON, and COOK…”

“I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes.”susan

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