Slay.me

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would  now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband
was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect  to bring this to his wife’s attention. So, when the computer asked him to  enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed:

P…E…N…I…S

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, ‘ That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them. ‘

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the  table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine – they were  used to sharing everything

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said ‘ No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything. ‘

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked ‘ What is it you are waiting for?

She answered —

‘ THE TEETH. ‘

An Italian man said , “Last week, my wife and I had great sex.  I rubbbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love,  and she screamed for a five full minutes at the  end.”

The Frenchman boasted, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed  her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for fifteen minutes.”

The Jewish man said, “Well, last week my wife and I also had sex.  I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz. We made love, and she screamed for over six hours.”

The other two were stunned. The amazed Frenchman asked, “What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for over six hours?”

The Jewish man said, “I wiped my hands on the bedspread.”