Archive for the ‘Old People Jokes’ Category

31
Oct

Getting Old Isn’t for Wimps

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man Walking with his legs spread apart. 

He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend: 

“I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.”

The other student says: 

“No, I don’t think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class.”

Since they couldn’t agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him And one of the students said to him, 

“We’re medical students and couldn’t help But notice the way you walk, but we couldn’t agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?”

The old man said, 

“I’ll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think.” 

The first student said, “I think it’s Peltry Syndrome.”

The old man said, “You thought – but you are wrong.”


The other student said, “I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.”

The old man said, “You thought – but you are wrong.”


So they asked him, “Well, old timer, what do you have?”

The old man said, ” Well, I thought it was GAS – but I was wrong, too!”

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19
Feb

Senior Setting Their Password

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER:cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER:boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

USER:50fuckingboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.

USER: 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

USER:50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER:ReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

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31
Jan

Grandfather of the Year

Slay.me Joke of the DayA woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, we won’t be long . . . easy boy.”
Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”
At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the shopping cart. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.”
Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says : “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad.”

“Thanks,” says the grandpa. “But I am William. The little bastard’s name is Kevin.”