Slay.me

Staff:       Golf course , may I help you?
Caller:    What are your green fees?
Staff:     38 dollars.
Caller:   Does that include golf?

Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:    Yes, I need to get some information from you.  First, is this
your correct phone number?

Staff:       Golf course , may I help you?
Caller:    Yes, we have a   tee time   for two weeks from Friday. What’s the weather going to be like that day?

Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:    Yes, I had a tee time for this afternoon but I’m running late.  Can you still get me out early?

Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:    Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy a bucket of
golf balls   and hit them for practice?
Staff:     You mean a   driving range ?
Caller:   No, that’s not it..,,,

Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:    Yes, I’d like to get a   tee time tomorrow   between 12 o’clock and noon.
Staff:      Between 12 o’clock and noon?
Caller:    Yes.
Staff:      We’ll try to squeeze you in.

Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:    Do you have any   open tee times   around 10 o’clock?
Staff:      Yes, we have one at 10:15.
Caller:    What’s the next time after that?
Staff:      We have one at 10:22.
Caller:    We’ll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   How much to play golf today?
Staff:     25 to walk, 38 with a cart.
Caller:   38 dollars?
Staff:     No, 38 yen.

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
Staff:     What time would you like?
Caller:   What times do you have?
Staff:     What time of the day?
Caller:   Any time.
Staff:     Morning or afternoon?
Caller:   Whenever.
Staff:     We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the afternoon.  Would you like me to read the whole list?
Caller:   No, I don’t think any of those times will work for me.

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Do you have a dress code?
Staff:     Yes, we do. We require soft spikes.
Caller:   How about clothes?
Staff:     Yes, you have to wear clothes.

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff:     Yes.
Caller:   How much for a bucket of large balls?
Staff:     Sorry, we’re all out of large balls. But we can give you twice as many small balls for the same price.

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Can I get a tee time for tomorrow?
Staff:     Sure, what time would you like?
Caller:   Something between 9 o’clock and 10 o’clock.  In the morning, if possible.

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Do you rent   golf clubs   there?
Staff:     Yes, they’re 25 dollars.
Caller:   How much to rent a bag?

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he’s
on the 15th hole.  How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th?

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff:     Yes.
Caller:   How much for a large bucket?
Staff:     Four dollars.
Caller:   Does that include the balls?

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Do you have a twilight rate?
Staff:     Yes, it’s 15 dollars after 2 o’clock.
Caller:   And what time does that start?

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, I’d like some info about your golf course.
Staff:     OK, what would you like to know?
Caller:   I don’t know, that’s why I called.

Staff:    Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:  My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and said they stole them from your driving range.  Would you like to buy them back?

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn’t want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman’s husband phones the other husband and said, “These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties.” “That’s nothing,” said the other. “Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, ‘From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!’

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … no.”

The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”