Slay.me

Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England.

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 120,000 jars  of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York . This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank.

The people of  Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as –

Sinko De Mayo.

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semi-finalists:
a) a Yale graduate
b) a Redneck

They were given a single word, then allowed two minutes to come up with a poem containing that word. The word they were given was “TIMBUKTU”.
The Yale graduate stepped up the microphone and said:

“SLOWLY ACROSS THE DESERT SAND TREKKED A LONELY CARAVAN.
MEN ON CAMELS – TWO BY TWO
DESTINATION – TIMBUKTU”.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the Redneck top that, they thought.

The Redneck calmly made his way to the microphone, and recited:

“ME AND TIM A HUNTIN’ WENT,
MET THREE WHORES IN A POP-UP TENT.
DEY WAS THREE, AND WE WAS TWO
SO I BUCKED ONE, AND TIMBUKTU

The Redneck won hands down

Bubba went to Alabama on a football scholarship. He was a good running back, but a poor student.

At graduation day, Bubba didn’t have enough credits. But he was a  great football star and the students held a rally and demanded the dean give him a diploma anyway. They were so insistent that the dean agreed if Bubba could answer one question correctly he would give him a diploma.

The one question test was held in the auditorium and the students packed the place. It was standing room only.

The dean was on the stage and told Bubba to come up. The dean had the diploma in his hand and said, “Bubba, if you can answer this question correctly I’ll give you your diploma.” Bubba said he was ready and the dean asked him the question. “Bubba,” he said, “How much is three times seven?”

Bubba looked up at the ceiling and then down at his shoes, just pondering the question. The  students began chanting, “Graduate him anyway! Graduate him anyway!”

Then Bubba held up his hand and the auditorium became silent. Bubba said, “I think I know the answer. Three times seven is twenty-one.”

A hush fell over the auditorium and the Alabama students began another chant. “Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”