Slay.me

Two 70-year-old men had been friends all of their lives.

When it was clear that Frank was dying, Joe visited him every day.

One day Joe said, “Frank, we both loved playing golf all our lives, and we started playing soon after high school.

Please do me one favor: “when you get to heaven,somehow you must let me know if there’s golf there.”

Frank looked up at Joe from his deathbed and said, “Joe, you’ve been my best friend for many years.  If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.”

Shortly after that, Frank died.

A few weeks later, Joe was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Joe, Joe .”

“Who is it,” asked Joe, sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”

“Joe– it’s me, Frank”

“You’re not Frank . Frank just died.”

“I’m telling you, it’s me, Frank,” insisted the voice.

“Frank,Where are you?”

“In heaven,” replied Frank. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”

“Tell me the good news first,” said Joe.

“The good news,” Frank said with joy and enthusiasm, “is that there is golf in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before me are here too. Even better than that, we’re all young again.
Better still, it’s always Summertime and it never rains.

And best of all, we can play golf all we want, and we never get tired. ” And we get to play with all the Greats of the past.

“That’s fantastic,” said Joe “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?”

“You’re in my foursome this Saturday”

When God Created Pennsylvania, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, “Where have you been?”

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, and I’ve put life on it.

I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test Balance.”

“Balance?” inquired Michael, “I’m still confused.”

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.

“For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor.

Over here I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.”

God continued pointing to different countries.

“This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”

The Archangel , impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, “What’s that one?”

“That’s Pennsylvania , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Pennsylvania are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, “But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”God smiled, “Close to Pennsylvania is Washington, D.C. … Wait till you see the idiots I put there!”

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced.

His wife screams at him as his friend listens in.

“My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas and there’s no f–king way I’m cooking tonight!
What the hell did you bring him home for?”

“Because he’s thinking about getting married.”