The pastor baptised Johnny and dipped his head in water 3 times. On the 3rd time he said: You are now baptised. You are a new creation the old creation is gone. No more drinking alcohol for you. Your new name is Jacob. Jacob went back home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a Heineken, dipped it in water 3 times and said: You are a new creation. The old one is gone. You are now called Orange Juice
By: markiller512
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, ‘I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!’
‘IMPOSSIBLE !’ said the groom broom.
‘WE HAVEN’T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!’
Yesterday “Wife” asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time.
She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She said “Are you nuts?
You’re almost 80 years old and you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”
I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, “You dummy, where are your glasses!
This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!”
I’m in trouble again and don’t know what to do!
I signed up for five jumps a week!
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier.