Slay.me

Two retired Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in L.A. Sid asks Al, ‘Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico ?

Al replies, ‘I don’t know; let’s ask our waiter.’

When the waiter arrives, Al asks, ‘Are there any Mexican Jews?’ The waiter says, ‘I don’t know senor; I ask the cooks.

He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes& says, ‘No, senor; the cook say no Mexican Jews.’

Al isn’t satisfied& asks, ‘Are you absolutely sure?

The waiter, realizing he is dealing with Gringos’ replies, ‘I check once again, senor!’ `He goes back into the kitchen.

While the waiter is away, Sid says, ‘I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico . Our people are scattered everywhere.’

The waiter returns& says, ‘Senor, the head cook Juan say there is no Mexican Jews.’ ‘Are you certain?’ Al asks again. ‘I just can’t believe there are no Mexican Jews!”SENOR, I asked EVERYONE,’ replies the exasperated waiter.

‘All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, and Tomato Jews .

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party.  The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his   current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished ,naturally, since he was her husband.

Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed.

So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.  He said: “Oh, the same old thing.  You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”

“Did you dance much ?”

“I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to….”

A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion during a dinner.

Catholic: “I have a large fortune….I am going to buy Apple!”

Protestant: “I am very wealthy and will buy Exxon!”

Muslim: “I am a fabulously rich prince…. I intend to purchase Google!”

They then all wait for the Jew to speak….

The Jew stirs his coffee, places the spoon neatly on the table, takes a sip of  his coffee, looks at them and casually says:

“I’m not selling!!!…”