Slay.me

A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.

The doctor says, “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”

She says, “Well, the first 100% you can imagine.

In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!”

On the  morning of Rosh Hashanah as the congregation was filing into the Synagogue, Rabbi Liebenberg noticed little Max standing in the foyer of the Synagogue staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the rabbi walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, ‘Boker Tov, Max.  ‘Boker Tov, Rabbi Liebenberg,’ he replied,  still focused on the plaque. ‘ Rabbi Liebenberg, what is this?’ he said, pointing to the plaque.

The good Rabbi tenderly put his arm around Max’s shoulder and said, ‘ Well son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Max, in a voice barely audible and trembling with fear asked:

‘Which service, Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur?’

A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

“You have so much to live for,” said the man. “I’m a sailor, and we’re off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. “I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy.”

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted.  That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small, but comfortable, compartment in the hold.

From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

“What are you doing here?” asked the captain.

“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied. “He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe .”

“I see,” the captain says.

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, “Plus, he’s screwing me.”

“He certainly is,” replied the captain, “this is the Staten Island Ferry.”