Slay.me

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.

It almost tickled as he fingers started at her neck and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, roller over and started to watch the tv.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “that was wonderful. Why did you stop?”
He said “I found the remote”.

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant

“Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients”.

“Yes, sir!” answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: “So,Murphy, how was your day?”

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients… “The first one had a headache so he did…So I gave him Paracetamol.”

“Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?” asks the doctor…

“The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon… So I did sir” says Murphy…

“Bravo, bravo!…You’re good at this and what about the third one?”Asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does… Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: ‘HELP ME for the love of St Patrick…For five years I have not seen any man!'”

“Tunderin’ lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?”Asks the doctor… ? ?

“I put drops in her eyes”

At a Sandals resort, a fellow walks up to an older fellow who is sitting in the sun, sipping iced tea.

Younger guy says – “Hey, you gonna just sit around all day? How about it if you join me for a round of golf.”

“Nah,” the older fellow replies, “tried it once, didn’t like it.”

“Well then,” younger fellow asks “how about a swim? It might be just as refreshing as your iced tea there.”

“Nah,” the older fellow responds, “tried it once, didn’t like it. But if you’re game for tennis, my son will be here soon and is usually up for a game or two – you might want to play with him.”

Younger fellow replies: “Your only child I presume?”