Posts Tagged ‘airplane’
30
Dec

The Air Canada plane leavesĀ  Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.

It’s the first time they’ve flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters,

‘I don’t like Chinese..’

‘No rike Chinese?’ asks the co-pilot, ‘why not?’

‘You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that’s why!’

‘No, no’, the co-pilot protests, ‘Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.’

‘Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese….doesn’t matter, you’re all alike!’

There’s a few minutes of silence.

‘I no rike Jews!’ the co-pilot suddenly announces.

‘Oh yeah, why not?’ asks the captain.

‘Jews sink Titanic!’ says the co-pilot.

‘What? You’re insane! Jews didn’t sink the Titanic!’ exclaims the captain, ‘It was an iceberg!’

Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , ..no mattah…all fukin same

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23
Apr

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, “Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?”

Not one hand went up ….. so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren’t as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren’t as dumb as most folks think!

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30
Nov

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Sarah Palin said, “I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America’s people don’t want me to die.” She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, “I’m a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America”. So he grabbed the second pack and jumped.

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, “I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the ‘Anointed One.’ So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, “I have lived a full life and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.”

The little girl said, “That’s okay Mr. Graham. There’s a parachute left for you.. America’s smartest President took my schoolbag.”

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