Slay.me

On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on.

She went to her husband, a retired MARINE and asked, “Honey, do you remember this?”

He looked up from his newspaper and said “Yes dear, I  do.

You wore that same negligee the night we were married.”

She said, “Yes, that’s right.  Do you remember what you said to me that night?”

He nodded and said “Yes dear, I said, Oh baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.”

She giggled and said “That’s exactly what you said. So now it’s fifty years later,  and I’m  in the same negligee.

What do you have to say tonight?”

He looked her up and down and said, ” Mission Accomplished.”

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact:

” Marion … Marion ”

“Is that you, Bob?”

“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”

“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the  warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you’d be proud – lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to golf course again.  Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”

“Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?”

“No………..I’m a rabbit in Arizona!”

When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah  Winfrey. Oprah asked,’ Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable.’

Mr. Burns said, ‘I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it.’

Oprah said, ‘I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age.’

George said, ‘Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it.’

Oprah said, ‘I have never been with an older man, would you do it with me?’

So they had sex and when they finished Oprah said, ‘I just don’t believe I have ever been so satisfied, you are a remarka ble man.’

George said, ‘The second time is even better than the first tim”

Oprah said, ‘You can really do it again at your age?’

George said, ‘Just let me sleep for 1/2 hour. You hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes.’

When she woke him up, they again had great sex, and Oprah was beside herself with joy. She said, ‘Oh Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have it be better than the first time.. At your age, Oh My, Oh My!!!’

George said That the third time would be even better. ‘You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and call me in thirty minutes.’

Oprah said, ‘Does me holding you like that kind of recharge your batteries?’

George said, ‘No, but the last time I had sex with a black woman she stole my wallet!’