There was an old couple sitting at a table. The old man said to the old lady, “I remember 50 years ago we were sitting at this very table.”
The old woman said, “Yes, and we were probably naked as jay birds.”
The old man said, “Well, what do you say..wanna get naked?” So they both stripped.
The old woman said, “You know hunny, my breasts are just as hot for you as they were 50 years ago.” a
The old man replied, “I can imagine, one is in your oatmeal and the other is in your coffee.”
A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple formal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”
Then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey , what’s for dinner?”
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
“Ralph, for the FIFTH time, it’s CHICKEN!”
An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through, she leaned over and whispered To her husband, ‘I just let out a long silent fart. What Do you think I should do?’
He replied, ‘Put a new battery in your hearing aid.’