Slay.me

Golfer: “I think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”

Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”

Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”

Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually.”

Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy: “I don’t think so sir. That would be too much of a
coincidence.”

Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too
much of a distraction.”
Caddy: “It’s not a watch— it’s a compass.”

Golfer: “How do you like my game?”
Caddy: “Very good, sir, but personally, I prefer golf.”

Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?”
Caddy: “The way you play, sir.”

Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”
Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”

Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”
Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses
from a heart attack.

“Help me dear,” she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes,
picks up his putter and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.  “I’m dying
here and you’re putting?”

“Don’t worry dear,” says the husband calmly, “they found a doctor on
the second hole and he’s coming to help you.”

“Well, how long will it take for him to get here?” she asks feebly.

“No time at all,” says her husband.  “Everybody’s already agreed to let
him play through.”

Ed and Dorothy met  while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered  they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He  immediately started asking her out when they got  home.

Within a couple of  weeks, Ed had taken Dorothy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies,  and museums.  Ed became convinced that Dorothy was indeed his soul mate and true love.  Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of  their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Dorothy to a fine  restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, “I guess you can  tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little serious talk before our relationship  continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life  changing question, it’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut. I play golf, I read  about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf.

If that’s going to  be a problem, for us, you’d better say so now!”

Dorothy took a deep breath and responded, “Ed, that certainly won’t  be a problem. I love you as you  are and I love golf too; but, since we’re being totally honest with each other, you need to  know that about the last five years I’ve been a hooker.”

“Oh wow!   I see,” Ed replied. He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, deep in  thought then he added, “You  know, it’s probably just because you’re not keeping your wrists straight  when you tee off.”