Slay.me

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, ‘You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.’

The cat thought for a minute and then said, ‘All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.’

God said, ‘Say no more.’ Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat

The mice said, ‘Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.’
God answered, ‘It is done.’ All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, ‘Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?’

The cat replied, ‘Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!’

1st woman :     Hi! My name is Wanda

2nd woman :    Hi! I’m Kelly. How’d you die?

1st woman :     I froze to Death.

2nd woman :    How horrible!

1st woman :     It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I  began to get warm & sleepy and finally died a peaceful death.  What about you?

2nd woman :    I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating so I came home early to catch him in the act.  Instead, I found him all by himself  in the den watching TV.

1st woman:      So, what happened?

2nd woman :    I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.  I ran into the attic and searched and down into the basement.  Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.  I kept this up until I had looked everywhere and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman:      Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer—we’d both still be alive.

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go  before an Angel to find out if they’ll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there is only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them  gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there’s some particular  reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and  says, ‘Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity’.

The Angel thanks Dolly,and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel  says, ‘OK, your Majesty, you may go in’.

Dolly is outraged and asks,’What was that all about? I show you two  of God’s own perfect creations and you turn me down.  She spits into a commode and she gets in!Would you explain that to me?’

‘Sorry, Dolly,’ says the Angel, ‘but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair – no matter how big they are.”