Slay.me

There was a New York Rabbi.. His son got a job transfer to Louisiana.

Two weeks later, the son called the father:

Son: Dad, I met a girl and we’re gonna get married.

Dad: Son, you know what they say about those Southern Belles. They can’t cook, they can’t clean house, don’t make love, and she’s gonna call you Jew Boy for the rest of your life.

Son: I don’t care. I love her and I’m going to marry her..

Two weeks later, the son called the father again,

Son: Dad, I married her!

Dad: What about all the things I warned you about?

Son : Dad, she cooks like a dream, she keeps the house spic-&-span and loves sex.

Dad: What about the last thing?

Son: We came to an understanding…………..

She doesn’t call me Jew Boy, and I don’t call her Schvartza.

A little old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon, when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?”

“Are you nuts?!” she replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. “Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” he asks again.

“Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?”

So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her again, “Would you let me bite your breasts – just once – for $10,000 dollars?!”

She thinks about it for a while and says, “Hmmmmm, $10,000 dollars…; Ok, just once, but not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there.”

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.  As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them,burying his face in them – but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, “Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?”

“Nah,” says the little old Jewish man … costs too much!”

A traveling salesman drove into a  small town where a circus was playing.

A sign read: ‘Don’t Miss  The Amazing Jew.’

The intrigued  salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, under The Big  Top, in the center ring, was a table with three walnuts on it.  Standing next to it was an old Jewish Man wearing a name tag with  the name ‘Morty’ written on it.

Suddenly,  Morty dropped his pants, whipped out the biggest penis any man  could possibly have and smashed all the walnuts with three mighty  swings!

The crowd erupted in applause and the old Jewish  man was carried off on their shoulders to the tune of Hava  Nagila.

Fifteen years later the salesman visited the same  little town, found the same circus and saw the same faded sign  that read, ‘Don’t Miss The Amazing Jew’.

He couldn’t  believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his  act!  He bought a ticket.  Again, the center ring was  illuminated.  This time, however, instead of walnuts, three  coconuts were placed on the table. There stood Morty before  them.  Suddenly, the drum rolled, Morty dropped his pants and  smashed the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The  crowd went wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a  meeting with Morty after the show.  ‘You’re incredible’ he  told Morty, ‘but I have to know something.  I saw your act 15  years ago and you were using walnuts.  Why the switch from  walnuts to coconuts ?’

‘Vell I tell ya sompin,’ said  Morty, ‘my eyes ain’t vat day used to be’