Posts Tagged ‘jewish joke’
21
Jan

A Jewish Honeymoon

Joke of the DayA young Jewish couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

“Well”, said her mother, “so how was the honeymoon?”

“Oh mama”, she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic”

… Suddenly she burst out crying. “But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language — things I’d never heard before in our home! I mean, all these awful four-letter words! You’ve got to take me home!” “PLEASE MAMA !”

“Sarah, Sarah”, her mother said, “calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out.” ‘Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT four-letter words?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” wept the daughter. “I’m so embarrassed, they’re just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!”

“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible four-letter words!”

Sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, Mama…, he used words like:”DUST, WASH, IRON, and COOK…”

“I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes.”susan

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18
Jan

Why there are Jews in Italy

Joke of the DaySeveral centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal: he’d have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they’d have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a ‘silent’ debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.

The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

The rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten. He said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.

The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. The rabbi responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins, and the rabbi pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move. I could not continue.”

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he’d won. “I haven’t a clue,” said the rabbi. “First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here.

“And then what?” asked a woman.

“Who knows?” said the rabbi. “He took out his lunch so I took out mine.

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02
Dec

The Parking Space

Moishe is driving in Jerusalem. He’s late for a meeting, he’s looking for a parking place, and can’t find one.

In desperation, he turns towards heaven and says: “Lord, if you find me a parking place, I promise that I’ll eat only kosher, respect Shabbos, and all the holidays.”

Miraculously, a place opens up just in front of him. He turns his face up to heaven and says, “Never mind, I just found one!”

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