Slay.me

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, “Where’s Mom and dad?” and she replied, “they’re up in bed.”

The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play.

Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma “where’s Mom and Dad?”  and she replied “they’re still up in bed.”

Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play.

Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma “where’s Mom and dad”  and his grandmother replied “they’re still up in bed.”

The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked,  “what gives?  Every time I tell you they’re still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?”

The little boy replied, “well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue.”

Mr. Goldberg wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, ‘Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a pileup on the freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, but….. something happened. I’m trying to break this gently… but the fact is… your penis was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.’

Goldberg groans, but the doctor goes on, ‘However, you’ve got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology to build you a new penis.’

Goldberg perks up at this!!

‘So,’ the doctor says, ‘It’s for you to decide how many inches you want. But it’s something you’d better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for nine inches, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in five inches this time, she might be disappointed. So it’s important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.’

He agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day and says, ‘So, have you spoken with your wife?’

‘I have,’ says Mr. Goldberg.

‘And has she helped you in making the decision?’

‘Yes, she has,’ he says.

‘And what is it?’ asks the doctor.

‘We’re getting granite countertops.’

A man and a woman who had never met before, But who were both married to other people, Found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, ……….. ‘Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?  I’m awfully cold.’

‘I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight, …… let’s pretend that we’re married.’

‘Wow! …………………. That’s a great idea!’, he exclaimed.

‘Good,’ she replied. …………. ‘Get your own f___ing blanket.’

After a moment of silence, ………………….he farted.

The End