Slay.me

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a  flower show was in progress.

The thin one leaned over and said, ‘Life is  so boring. We never have any fun any more.

For $10 I’d take my clothes off and  streak through that stupid flower  show!’

‘You’re on!’ said the other old lady, holding  up a $10 bill.

The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way  out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as  fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud  applause and shrill whistling.

Finally, the smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

‘What happened?’ asked her waiting friend.

‘I won 1st prize as ‘Best Dried Arrangement’.

Arthur is 95 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 30 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife.

I’m giving up golf.. My eyesight has gotten so bad…once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathizes, and as they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you, and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother is a hundred and three. He can’t help.”

“He may be a hundred and three”, says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing, and squints down the airway. He turns to the brother-in-law. “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did!” says the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” asks Arthur.

“I can’t remember!”

A very old couple that have been married forever are sitting on their porch one night. Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and smacks her husband,
knocking him off the porch and into the bushes.

He crawls back up and asks, “What was that for?”

She says, “For having a little pecker.”

He sits there quietly a moment, then smacks her, sending her off the other side of the porch and into the bushes.

She crawls back and says, “What was that for?”

He says, “For knowing there was more than one size.”