Slay.me

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys.  They were not in my pockets.  A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.  Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.

Her theory is that the car will be stolen.  As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right.     The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police.  I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all,

“Honey,” I stammered; I always call her “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a period of silence.  I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice.

“Idiot”, she barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent.

Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”

She retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car.”

Yep it’s the golden years….!!!

Arthur is 95 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 30 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife.

I’m giving up golf.. My eyesight has gotten so bad…once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathizes, and as they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you, and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother is a hundred and three. He can’t help.”

“He may be a hundred and three”, says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing, and squints down the airway. He turns to the brother-in-law. “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did!” says the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” asks Arthur.

“I can’t remember!”

A very old couple that have been married forever are sitting on their porch one night. Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and smacks her husband,
knocking him off the porch and into the bushes.

He crawls back up and asks, “What was that for?”

She says, “For having a little pecker.”

He sits there quietly a moment, then smacks her, sending her off the other side of the porch and into the bushes.

She crawls back and says, “What was that for?”

He says, “For knowing there was more than one size.”