An elderly man hears a knock on the door one evening and opens it to see an attractive girl wearing not many clothes who says:
“Hullo! It’s your birthday, and I’m the Birthday Girl, and all your friends have arranged for me to call on you and offer Super Sex.”
So the old man thinks and says,
“All things considered, I’ll take the soup
All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady!
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
“Mrs. Neely, Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any”, she replied, smiling sweetly.
“Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight”, she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
“Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?”
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, “I outlived the bitches”.
There was an old couple sitting at a table. The old man said to the old lady, “I remember 50 years ago we were sitting at this very table.”
The old woman said, “Yes, and we were probably naked as jay birds.”
The old man said, “Well, what do you say..wanna get naked?” So they both stripped.
The old woman said, “You know hunny, my breasts are just as hot for you as they were 50 years ago.” a
The old man replied, “I can imagine, one is in your oatmeal and the other is in your coffee.”