Posts Tagged ‘sex jokes’
30
Oct

A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin.

Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.

‘My darring,’ he whispers, ‘I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten.  I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting – juss anyting you want.  You juss ask.  Whatchu want?’ he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.

She eventually shyly whispers back, ‘I want to try something I have hear about from odda girls…  Numbaa 69.’ More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her…

‘You want…….  garlic chicken wif snow peas?’

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06
Jan

Slay.me Joke of the DayA man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, “What are you doing?”

She answers, “I’m moving to Nevada. I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I’m doing for YOU for FREE!”

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he’s going, he replies, “I’m coming, too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year.”

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01
Apr

Joke of the DayThe only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk.

The cow was wonderful.. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it.. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.”

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow from Minsk?”

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow.

“You are truly a wise rabbi,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?”

The rabbi answered sadly, “My wife is from Minsk.”

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